you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
