but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Soap is not a condiment
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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