He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
