When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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