you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
