I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
