i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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