I'm gonna have a badass scar
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
