i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
