you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
