3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
