I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
