i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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