i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
