I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
