drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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