Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
