Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
