insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
