I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
