Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
