This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
