you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize