aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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