Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
