I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
