Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
