Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
