I met the friendliest cop last night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
