dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
