Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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