I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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