Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
