the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
