I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
