If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
