im having a threesome with these popsicles
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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