yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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