jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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