Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
