I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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