A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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