I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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