dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
