I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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