i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
love makes seman taste better
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
