I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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