if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
