I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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