I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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