SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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