I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
