I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
