Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
