I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
