Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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