i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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