i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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