non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
