I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Vodka?
Forever.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
