I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
