i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
