so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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