Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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