I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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