How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize