Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
