YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
