we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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