i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
