and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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