Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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