can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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