My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Girls should come with a carfax report
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
