Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
