if i can run in heels then i can drive
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
