Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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