Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
