i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
