she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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