just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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