yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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