I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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