Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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