Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
