Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
