Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
