Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
