you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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