God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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