it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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