The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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