i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
