Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
