i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize