Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
