dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize