Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
