I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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