totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
