Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Green mimosas i think yes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
