I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
