Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It all started with a game of naked twister.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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