I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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