Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
