I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
