I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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