i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
