Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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