If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
