Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
