just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize