My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
