I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
