Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
