How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize