I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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