The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
