Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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