I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
