So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
