I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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