I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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