Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
