her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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