What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
