i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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