At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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