You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
